Because we know how to touch!

The Second and Final Inter-class of Touch Rugby PE
October 6, 2008

Results (white team):
1 Win
1 Draw
1 Loss

So, how does one summarize this? Anyway, I was really happy even though my whole body aches right now. I spent the victory-ish party with nine of my teammates. And the happiest part of it, the girl I have crush on (a teammate of mine) asked for everyone's number including mine. I was nervous at first that she'll get the contact details of my girl classmates but I was amazed he also asked for ours (3 guys). She said she might need to contact us for a play she's doing. She's a film major.

Of course I volunteered to enter my number in her phone book. I was all smiles, fulfilled. The semester did not end without me knowing her number after all.

*There I was (not in full action photos though), wearing a white jersey with red stripes at the sides and a number 05 at the back written in black plus yellow shorts with blue stripes.

Is it Really going to be just a dream for me?

For the longest time I have wished to at least get a CS (College Scholar) Recognition for at least a semester before I graduate. This semester is not exempted from that innate longing.

I am not a grade conscious student really, being that I have totally ruined my TCG record by filling it with either failed or dropped subjects particularly Math; but I woke up one night after a dream and realized I have to somehow experience being on the top AGAIN.

Ever since I entered the University of the Philippines, I have been slowly acquainted with how I par with people's intellect, talents or wealth. There was always this scare within me that tells me I might be at the bottom of everything. There was a time that I got the lowest score in our class in an exam in Math. I thought, I have never experienced that in my entire High School, Elementary and Pre-Elementary life.

Pre-Elementary saw early signs that I absorb more information compared to my classmates, thus I was accelerated. Both this and my Elementary Schooling was spent in one of the best schools in Bulacan, Montessori School of Malolos. At the age of five (5) I was already in Grade 1. I finished Grade 6 at Rank 5.

I failed the entrance exam of a private Catholic School when I tried for High School since MSM had only until Grade 6 of schooling. Nevertheless I passed the exam administered by Bulacan State University at the age of 11. BSU is one of the top schools in Bulacan. My aunt told me I got the 2nd highest score on the exam of thousands of aspiring students. But some of the people who saw the list told me I only placed 12th because someone else was claiming the 2nd spot. Anyway, I graduated at Rank 5 again at the age of 15.

I entered the University of the Philippines at 15 (turning 16) and found myself in a rare mixture of people who were more often older than myself. I'm now turning 22 in December and I am still in UP, still battling with the best people in the Philippines, trying to make a distinction.

People were often skeptic about me and how my achievements started to pale out because of my being delayed for graduation in college. They thought something went wrong. I say, yes something changed but I cannot assess it to be able to know if it really went wrong or if I changed for the better.

I found it so hard to maintain a certain level of discipline expected from a UP student, well at least in my third year to sixth year of schooling only, since my first two years were scholastically spent. But even so, I was not able to secure a CS or a US (University Scholar) Recognition because it was either I dropped Military Science or I dropped PE or I was underload because I was forced to drop Philo I. And so from then until now I am a student of either a NI (Needs Improvement or a GS (Good Standing) only. Yes I am hard on myself. But I am only like that when I think of the many people around me who will be so much happier if I am actually excelling. Sigh, I can only blame myself.

This semester saw a different me being that I have a lot of moments pondering on my grades compared to my other 12 semesters. I was able to attain a highest possible grade of 1.5 in one of my subjects, I was able to maintain good standing on the rest of my subjects and I was able to submit all requirements for my thesis.. But upon assessing again these past few weeks, I came to a realization that everything was still not enough.

It scares me to think that I have to be disowned by everyone first before I can actually control my time. I am afraid that if this is the only solution, I might grab it and use it as a tool this coming second semester just so I can have something to be proud of (at least to other people's standards, and not to mine only).

I am not giving up the fight though. My dream shall become my reality someday, when my time comes. So immature... ;-(

Oh Shit!

I just realized how important it is to be with my batch mates. Now it scares me to go into the world alone..

Oh wait, I should not be, because all the while I was alone...

I went through plates on my own. Math, Physics, ES subjects on my own.
I rarely stayed up late for group studies.

Now I can feel the weight, of being separated.

Revive Dancing

Asaaaarrrr! Ang lufet ng pagka-magaling... If I'm right these are dancers from groove central studio. Yun yung studio ni Mr. Jay Dimalanta, mentor ko sa Streetdance - Basic. Gusto ko nang mag-PE3!!!

Brand New!

For two months running I have kept a decision on something very important to me pending. It was very convenient for me to let things pass me by, to start something and to never really have the courage to finish it. And then it hit me when I realized I actually decided on it by the mere act of keeping it hanging. And so I gathered enough courage and proceeded with what could be the greatest decision-making phase of my life. Tomorrow I will not look at the day the same way again. But though I know I am clueless and scared, I will face the consequences of my decision head on.

Since I have decided on this, I hope to remain firm and composed so as to keep with my dreams. I really think I deserve to be happy, and to do so I have to make many sacrifices.

"Sometimes, to be complete means to be literally filling the emptiness within oneself. Filling it with things that make one happy and not by false images of happiness through other peoples' responses to ones character."

I miss those times

A few minutes from now I'll be meeting up with a good friend. We will be dining at the Sisig place at Philcoa, my treat. We had been long distance friends for more than three years already. We were classmates in Physics 71. We got along because we used to compare our scores in the exams and quizzes. Those were the times that I was still overly appreciative of grades. I was driven to strive for my best by the mere thought that we will really compare our accomplishments. It should have been easier on my part since he is a year younger than I am, but that was not the case. He was extra-ordinarily industrious. He is now teaching the very subject I just took a summer ago, Engineering Science 13: Strength of Materials.

We never really got to sit down and talk for more than 10 minutes after we became classmates. We often lost each others contact details, but we bumped a lot inside UP (and we thought UP is big). We got to update each other a lot through 3-minute encounters. And now is the only time that we will meet to actually talk. I am a bit scared of the fact that he will be asking about my thesis. But I am thinking that he will be doing such only to try to determine how he can help.

He gave me a book two years ago entitled Study Smarts. He said it guided him a lot while studying. I never finished the book until now. It is only 85 pages and still I haven't finished even half of it. I promise to do so in the coming days.

Well, he encourages me most of the time. I remember Physics when he was really excited to tell me that my score improved compared to the result of the First Long Quiz. I hope to someday achieve what he has achieved. He is a Civil Engineering graduate of UP Diliman. I am still trying to finish Architecture, but no matter what happens to us in the future, there is a great chance that we might work together. I hope, that in this thesis period I am undergoing now, that I will develop a better sense of responsibility so that by the time I'll be out in the real world I can somehow gain leverage in the field. And after maybe three to five years, we can meet again and compare each other's achievements and hear each other say that we're happy for ourselves.

It was purely healthful competition between us back then. I miss those times when I was still on track. =(

Still Problematic

These are the odd things that happened to me lately.

I had this long lost friend (5 years to be exact) who surprised me by calling me up one early morning (1:00AM). He wanted to meet up with me. Of course since he was a good friend I actually agreed to meet him at Tomas Morato. He told me that I should look for this bar which his boy lover is a part owner of. Luckily before I stepped out of the house, I asked first the name of the bar. I was startled by his answer, "Butterfly Bar." And so I was frank when I asked him if it was a G-bar (G meaning gay) and he replied with yes. Without further explanations I told him I would only meet him if we'll be at dining at Pier One. (to be continued - I feel so sleepy already)

Continued today July 23, 2008...

But unfortunately he did not want to transfer to another place just to accommodate me. I don't know if I was too demanding or if I was just being choosy of the place but I know that I don't want to be seen in such a place because of its reputation. I frequent places like the music museum, pier one, the forum, dish and the likes of giligans and the many grilles but I have never been in any bar, especially not in a G-bar and so I really gave it a hard thought if I would be going for my friend since his lover co-owns it and it's like an invitation to take a look at what the two of them have worked so hard for.

And so I decided based on the lateness of the time of the night. It was already 1:30AM and I reasoned out that I have class the following day which is a Saturday, and true enough I have classes on Saturdays. When I got back to my bed, I slept.

When I woke up, I was asking myself why. I thought about my mom. I remembered the time my brother broke her heart when she found out that my brother went to a bar in Bulacan which is infested with a lot of GROs. And so I was glad I did not come. I have successfully set up a boundary for myself with which I restrict myself to entering establishments for the enjoyment of food and music only.

-------------------------------

I got another invitation from the same friend 3 days later. It was fine with me that he really wishes I could see their place but what offended me is what he told me thru SMS:

"Punta ka dito please tapos sama ka pa ng mga guy friends mo para naman may makita kami.."

So... I was being invited because my friend was with his gay friends and they all wanted to see new people come in the bar. I did not quite get what he was intending to do but I did not reply to his messages. Even though he offered to pay for one round of drinks, I did not answer. I just slept. Right now, I would just like to think that in those instances he was inviting me, he might be drunk already that's why he might not be aware of what he was doing. I was disappointed.

In it, inescapably

(Current post)

Today is weird. I found myself trying to catch the attention of my crush (my classmate) almost the whole time of our PE class. There were instances where we became opponents and there were drills we became group mates.

We did this one drill wherein the holder of the ball calls the name of the person he wishes to accept the throw and then after catching it the person calls another person and throws to him or her while the first person who threw the ball goes to the place of the second thrower and the second thrower goes to the place of the second catcher. I was trying not to be obvious so I never passed the ball to my classmate even though I have passed already to everyone else. And so, my crush (trying to make this sound as if it is a noun) was not passing to me either and I really felt bad not receiving a pass.

After class I saw my classmate about to leave and so I hurried and caught up. We had a not so meaningful conversation though. I just kept on asking stuff and my crush just kept answering without making an effort of making the conversation longer. Anyway, I came into a conclusion that I may not be interesting so I just shut my mouth. I also told myself I am not going to ask for a number. If I won't be able to get it until the semester ends then so be it..

Oh no, I'm in it already!

(Supposedly posted last week)

No matter how I try to tell myself not to entertain my interest towards one of my classmates this semester, I can't really forbid myself.

I have formally introduced myself today and I got a warm smile when I asked for a name. I just could not help but notice my classmate.

I was really happy today because we became opponents in touch rugby (I being on the offensive part, there were more girls than guys in our PE class). I don't know if I was too obvious because I said bye towards the end of the class even if we're meters away already; and then foolishly tried to catch up in mere seconds.

Haaaayyyy... I now have an inspiration. Just a while ago I was thinking already how I would feel if I don't see my classmate in one of our next meetings. I probably will be sad, but hey the game's really fun so I might forget about it soon after we start doing our drills.

Waaahhhh, I have a new crush.. Hmmm, that was fast. The last time I had a crush was last summer in one of my classes. Well, I'm not making sense anymore, it's just that I have to let the world know (of course that is not possible here).

It feels like I'm not going overly stupid this time though like the many times before. I don't go messing up my words when talking and my chest doesn't feel heavy whenever I am with my classmate (who is incredibly sexy by way of dressing, talking, laughing, everything).

It's Happening Again

Why am I a fan of love at first encounter?
I think I am going crazy now.
I go fond of some people too easily.
This is one trait I have to escape from.
It makes me expect a lot of things to happen
And then later find myself overly disappointed
That a lot of things never turned out to be how I wished.

Oh no. I am really about to lose my hold.
I told myself I don't need a partner,
But somehow I yearn for that special person.
My problem is, I know too much
how to control my feelings.
This is the reason why I have most of the time
just let the feelings pass me by.

It's a rather heavy emotion I almost always have to bear.
In just 6 months, I think I've experienced those heavy feelings twice already
And I think I am about to do so yet again in the coming days.
My problem is, here comes me telling myself I am ready for the pain of silence
and then I go through everyday distracted and unfocused.

I don't know why but I seem to never learn this lesson,
anything about love that is.
This four-letter word is where I am most dumb at.
Maybe it's because I lock myself up in my world of illusions
and choose to be happy on my own,
rather than really do something about these things
and trying to actually achieve something through physical effort.

I think I am going to try it once more this time...
I remember this line from a movie that goes:
"I think God wants me to be happy."
Yes I do. I think He won't place people near me without any reason.
I think He won't make me overly sensitive for nothing
I think He has laid out a plan for me and all it takes for it to happen
is for me to actually start doing my part.

I hope I won't be defeated by fear, fear of rejection
fear that the world will crumble upon a nudge to my pride.
This time I will gamble, in this game of life called love...

Magic Sing!

We had this party the other night for the newbies here in our boarding house. We welcomed them with food and songs. Now that's the way to party..

We had:

Chicken from KFC
Rice cooked by yours truly and Byron
Palabok from Red Ribbon
Cake from Red Ribbon
Softdrinks from Hypermarket
Pasta from Ate Flor

We did not have beer this time since the two newbies don't drink. But because we had no reason to be sleepy, we sang until 1:30AM.

These are the songs I sang and the ratings I got:
Just the Way you Are - 92
Just Once - 95
September - 90
How am I Supposed to Live without you (next time I'll bring this one 3 notes lower) - 70
Can't Take my Eyes off you - 88
You are not Alone - 90
As long as you love me - 92
Quit Playing Games with my Heart - 94
End of the Road (I was almost going to make it through the bridge when I accidentally touched the stop button, what a stupid way to hold the microphone) - 93
Run to You (ahaha, girl song, key brought to a max chest of G4) - 78
Bed of Roses - 88
Heaven - 92
Someday (Mariah Carey Song, haha) - 76
When a Man Loves a Woman (was not able to finish, too high) - 93
Bridge over Troubled water (was troubled by the key changes) - 83
The Greatest Love of All - 94

Oh well trust me, even with this many a song in my list, I was not the one who held the microphone the longest. =p

Finally

I have finally recovered all my files and am now in the process of reinstalling all my programs in my notebook. I was really very foolish to have downloaded a key generator from the net and double clicked on it without checking its credibility. I am sure to never again do that because I had to learn the simple lesson the hardest way, and that is - to lose all my videos in my laptop. I had to erase some files since I do not have the luxury of time to collect them all, sort and burn since I am really really busy with thesis.

Enough said. Right now I have reverted to the factory setting of my notebook. I got myself a portable hard drive called My Passport. This is a cool device from Western Digital. For a preview of how sleek it is (drum roll) tah dah!

Anyway, it is 160GB, bigger than the capacity of my notebook so I guess I would not be having trouble trying to save each one of my favorite files. This one I have to really be careful with. Thesis files are the only ones I should save here and I should really be extra careful where I plug it. Anyway, I have yet to install MS Office that's why my tons of posts are still lined up.

When I Opened the Gate at 9:00AM

*photo shot using the phone itself

This is what I found delivered at my doorstep.. Woohooo! I love GLOBE!

New phone.
I'm going to give it to my mom as a gift because her phone is malfunctioning lately and I don't really need a new phone, I'm just happy I was sent another one.

Now, paying almost 1,000PhP/month for calls and texts is worth every cent!

SPECIFICATIONS:

• Take high quality pictures with a 3.2 megapixel camera with Carl Zeiss optics, auto focus, and 8x digital zoom
• A powerful double LED flash makes indoor pictures perfect
• Share pictures or videos with friends and family via TV-Out
• 3G video calling helps you feel even closer to the people you care about
• Connect directly to Flickr™ website to share your photos with all your friends

The best part about it? AUTO FOCUS!!! (up to a freaking 6inch-distance).

Recurring Dream

It's one of those dreams I find myself crying upon waking up, mainly because of a not so good dream of myself holding a dying person in my hands.

I always cannot remember the face of the person I am holding though. All I know is that I am screaming for help from the big crowd of people asking what I could do to alleviate the pain that the person I am holding experiences. If I do remember it right, I even called the person my aunt.

She could not breathe because of a deep wound on her neck. My dream somehow made it appear that she got the wound from a cut from a wood piece I lifted her from, to save her from the stampede.

The situation's like as if we were in the old Katipunan setting scared of what is going to happen next but careless of what we were doing. I was screaming while people were chased to death. My dream always ends when my aunt starts panting and tries to grasp for more air. Then I wake up teary eyed and I find it hard to not continue crying because of the sudden burst of emotion. It's too heavy on the chest.

Then I remember all my loved ones, and how I am still unfit to protect them...

The Reward of my Patience

After buying apples and a whole chicken (lemon grass flavor, chopped in 8 parts) which I will budget/eat in 4 meals in the next two days (lunch and dinner only as I am an oatmeal breakfast person), I went to the jeep and FX terminal near the mall. From a considerable distance I saw a lot of people inside the terminal. Right then and there I accepted the fact that it will take long before I can go home. And so I waited as passenger number 46 (I counted).

Thirty minutes passed and no FX bound to Philcoa arrived. I started entertaining myself by whistling songs that I know. After the 4th song I realized people were getting more and more irritated; some approached the yeller and asked why there were no FX's bound to Philcoa. It was only after a few more songs that I realized I was already the 7th passenger, and it was not because there were FX's that arrived but because people who lost hope went to the jeep stand bound to UP Campus (the route of this jeep is longer and more dangerous at night as it passes East Avenue).

In less than 30 seconds, an FX arrived and I was able to sit really comfortably within the vehicle's air conditioned space. To my surprise, the fare had increased from P12.00 to P15.00 but the ride was worth the wait.

*FX - SUV-like commuter car that fits 11 people including the driver (well, only in the Philippine setting as Japanese designers originally labeled them 7-seater cars).

** Colgate:Toothpaste ----> FX:Commuter Car

*** The Toyota Tamarraw FX became so famous that everyone brands anything that looks like it FX too.

The other Great Dream

I dream big.

I wish to design a skyscraper in the future, one that I can tell the sons and daughters of my brothers and cousins (assuming I pursue not having a kid of my own) that it was I who designed it.

I wish to establish our business (coffee shop) as one of the coolest place to hang-out in Bulacan. I want it to be "the place to go and the place to be seen."

I even wish to become a model...
...of an underwear line (seriously speaking =p).

Yes I dream big.

Someday I wish to fulfill all these, for myself.

My dreams for the world...
...far from happening, but I'm not giving up.

Let's all dream and drift away from reality; make the picture vivid enough to be translated to possibilities and then grab hold and never let go, so that when we wake up we find ourselves inspired.

I Wish to Keep

Someone told me yesterday that he was already taking his thesis last year when someone with authority approached him and forced him to quit thesis because of the many back subjects that he had. He had to finish those subjects and now he is going to take the thesis again this year.

"back subject" - a subject one should have taken a semester or two before the current semester or a subject that is a pre-requisite of something else but is allowed by the student's adviser to be taken along with the subject supposedly needing it as a pre-requisite. It's like an informal arrangement between a student and an adviser.

He was still taking Math, structural subjects and other subjects then which should have been required before he could have enrolled the thesis class. This worries me a lot because I have two back subjects and I was allowed to take the thesis this semester and I do not want to find out at in middle of the semester that someone wants me to quit thesis because this is going to break the hearts of my parents and is surely going to hit my pride.

There are plenty of times that I tell myself I wish I could have done better back then, these make me realize how wasted opportunities could never be brought back. I sometimes wonder why I wasn't born a G.C. (grade-conscious) person or someone who thinks that grades are everything. Sometimes I wonder why I had to succumb to my weaknesses.

Last night I was browsing pages of some of the famous culinary arts school in the Philippines. I was really curious about taking a certificate or diploma course and wanted to fill out some forms but I stopped for a while and figured I should only devote my time to architectural thesis right now.

I mean I love making good food that's is why I am really blessed that my family wants me to take a course in pastry making or dessert preparations mainly for the improvement of our coffee shop in Malolos City, Bulacan, but I know I have to finish architecture first before I embark in anything else.

Someday I want to prepare food for people and they would ask me if I had professional training in cooking and then I'll answer with "Yes, I have a diploma for baking and pastry making, and I am also a practicing architect. Both share the same demand; the ability to create."

Silent Lately

I am trying my best to be silent lately. My mind's preoccupied by a lot of family stuff. I have wished a stress free summer but it turned out to be otherwise. Right now I just wish more strength for a whole year of thesis-making. I wish myself good luck too.

Faith!

I have found this one very effective. I got exempted from an exam in which I did not review in and I believe this saved me from failing the subject. Had I not been exempted, I would have messed up the final examination which would have accounted for 40% of my final grade. I also use this prayer in situations when I start to lose hope and this gives me reasons to have faith on the Great Planner up there.. =p

There's nothing wrong if you'd try too.

Prayer to St. Jude

To be said when problems arise or when one seems to be deprived of all visible help, or for cases almost despaired of.

Most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, this church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of the hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, I am so hopeless and alone. Make use, I implore you of that particular privilege given to you to bring speedy help where help is most despaired of. Come to my assistance in this need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with you and all the elect forever. I promise, o blessed St. Jude, to be mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you, Amen.

Novena prayer must be said six times each for nine consecutive days leaving nine copies in church each day. Prayer will be answered on or before the ninth day and has never known to fail.

Novena Prayer

May the most Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored and loved in all tabernacles until the end of time, Amen.

May the most Sacred Heart of Jesus be praised and glorified now and forever, Amen.

St. Jude, pray for us and hear our prayers, Amen.

Blessed be the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Blessed be St. Jude Thaddeus in all the world and for all eternity.

(Say this prayer followed by Our Father and Hail Mary)

Make eighty-one copies and leave nine copies in church for each consecutive nine days. You will receive your intention on or before the nine days are over no matter how impossible it may seem. Pray with love and faith.

On the Road to Victory

Early this morning I was really frustrated over myself being late for the Fund Run our organization is participating in to garner points for block selection this coming June 2008. I woke up minutes before 6:00 in the morning and we were expected to arrive at the Arts and Sciences Building (Palma Hall) at exactly 6:00 AM and add the fact that I am coming from Bulacan. And so I arrived at the starting position for the run at exactly 8:10AM and was worried that my friends have finished their runs already. I was lucky that at my first 2.2 kilometers all of them accompanied me. And to motivate ourselves to finish early, Dax suggested that we run in a single file and then the person at the rear shall overtake the line and place himself in front of the first person in line, and then the next one to be at the rear will do the same.. Fortunately I was able to keep up with the team. I finished the whole academic oval without stopping.

And then I was very lucky that Pao offered to accompany me in my second round. We actually walked on most parts of the oval and just jogged when we were 3/4's on our way. And then I had to speed up (leave Pao behind-come to think of it, I should not have done that) and be welcomed by my orgmates at the finish line. The whole team completed 84 laps I guess, 4 of which was mine. That was insignificant but hey, it's still help. We had plans of eating lunch out and drinking (yes with the sun so up in the sky at noon) but it was wierd it got cancelled out.

What made me sad was when I realized I was really very unmindful of other people's time. I was supposed to be at Vinzons at 6:00AM to meet Pao and start the run early but I was 2 hours late. Well, no one actually stalled and waited for me, but I hoped I could have helped more.

It was really funny that while I was jogging, a phrase kept on appearing in my mind, telling me that I am on my road to victory. Haha! I don't know what it means but it was really recurring. And true enough, the road started there, and the need to acquire a better fitness scheme became rampant. I hope I get there in time. =p

Faith and Doubt

I have faith that I will be allowed to take the thesis this coming semester.

I have doubts over my capabilities, if I can actually survive the pressure.

I have faith that I will pass my required subject for thesis (ES13) that I took this summer.

I have doubts over my performance in my exams in the said subject.

I have faith that I don't need to enlist AR27 because I have faith I passed ES13.

I have doubts that I may be wrong, so where is my faith then?

Hmmm, then I should entrust everything to Him up there.

I have faith in His plans for me.


I have failed a number of subjects in my UP life due to tardiness, sickness and the toughness of the subject. One of my friends told me this, "I actually envy you because even though you failed a number of times, you still find the happiness, strength and the willingness to push through with Architecture." At first I did not know if I was to feel offended or praised plainly because I am not so proud of those failures I had, but I don't hide them. But then right now, I feel that my friend was actually expressing true admiration.

Sometimes it really is hard to stand on your own foot and defend yourself from each trial you face. I have had a lot of experiences wherein I alone got through my pains, my battles and my conflicts. It is true as they say, the more the edges of a diamond, the shinier it gets. I feel more able now.

And how exactly did I get through my troubles? Well, the first step I took most of the time of course was to identify the problem, like any science book tells me - Clearly identifying the problem made me identify the real issue. I sorted out all my abilities and sought which ones may help me in my problem (singing takes my mind off worrying too much, freestyle playing a piano makes me close my eyes and float in my imagination, exercise and now, dance makes me perspire and makes me push myself to the limit). These were the delays I made use of in trying to start a mind set for the harder part of the problem, the solution. And when I did get there, I faced it head on, although sometimes I became too lazy to fight and procrastinated, but one thing was sure, it was the day of facing the problem.

I am now filled with hope that I'll finally be able to finish Architecture. I have been forged in hotter environs and I am confident enough to face the world's new offers.

I want to swim

I need to dip myself into a big pool, and so I am hoping that the sun does come out. It's very gloomy and it affects my mood. =p But I'm going to swim no matter what..

It's weird sometimes when I'm underwater that I hear a voice that tells me "be at peace with the water." Hmmm, this may be because of the fact that I almost died before when I drowned. Maybe it's a way of coping with my fear of water level higher than 5feet. Haha, and to think I took Skin Diving in my freshie year.

I can still remember the incident when I shocked all of my relatives with my almost-dead body being brought to the hospital. I consider my life right now a second life that's why I am making the most of it. First in the list (which does not mean I have accomplished it already) is to overcome my fear of deep waters. I can't even really enjoy beaches because of this fear. And because I am determined to conquer this fear, I should swim more often.. When I get rich, I'll have a pool in my yard.

Time Zone?

I need help regarding setting the proper time on the internet. My clock says the same thing but when I post entries the time isn't the same. Sad... Now how am I going to remember the time I wrote all these stuff when I keep on posting with the wrong time in it? =(

OK I just have to remind myself to add 9 hours to the post time. I can live with that for now.. Someone help me...

So True!

It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been ? But what of the man who's faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer be? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealously and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better or something better finds its way to us.

- Dan Scott

My Form of Escape

Cooking...

Haha, I am making myself some breakfast.
When I say SOME breakfast, I mean junkie breakfast (yakisoba)
I have just finished my morning dance exercise
And now I am waiting for the water to boil.
Apart from the usual yakisoba, this one's better
I put veggies and make my own seasoning.
Talk about being in control.

Hmmmm, maybe this is the reason why
I love cooking coz this is one of those activities
where I rule my world and control everything in it.
Haha, there we go again..

"I'm too fly to be depressed."

I so like this line from Ne-yo's "Go on Girl."

So pretentious yet so recuperating especially after a break-up.

But I still think being depressed is good since it makes you realize the value of happiness when it comes.. =p

U-Turns

Today I officially declare that I am through with the summer classes. No more requirements or exams on any subject. Today is also one of those days when I feel big changes going to happen.

It will take long before I can get over the early wake up that my body got used to because of my PE street dance; and it's almost always after waking up that I'd do two or three runs of our two dances even after the final presentation. I have made friends in this class, friends I wish to keep until I can. Just a while ago we had dinner and a little booze (cheers to our accomplished semester). I feel really happy when I make new friends. It makes me think that I can still somehow make other people happy too; and separations scare me a lot, but I have high hopes that each one of us will see each other again. I just tell myself, we can always go back and take U-turns so we can all rekindle the friendship.

It scares me to think that I will be entering the halls of our dear UP Architecture this coming June as a student ready to take the thesis. Am I really ready? Only I can tell. It scares me because when I am busy I become moody and people tell me I become a monster; one you cannot disturb or else will turn green and destroy anything he touches (exaggeration of course). I hope I can solve this moody thing and learn how to relax even when doing heavy tasks.

Wish me luck and I hope to get the Best Thesis title.. =p

Is that so?

A friend of mine told me that I am becoming a "KSP" person again. KSP in Filipino is "kulang sa pansin" and in English somebody who has "attention deficiency." Hmmm, I don't know if I'd agree with my friend or if I'd differ. Anyway, I am writing blogs because I want to put into account significant things that happen in my life so I may be able to update my friends not within reach. This is my attempt to be physically present with them. I refuse to fade away like an old memory. So, maybe I need their attention.. Officially KSP!

Sincere

In my attempt to overcome my weaknesses, I stumble upon glitches in my willingness to change. Of course, I am only human that's why I think it is normal to employ gradual change. I cannot therefore expect to change in a month's time. But I am a very impatient person and I usually impose a lot of restrictions to myself that some people may find too harsh on my part. But then this is how I get to imbue myself of the necessary traits I want to portray. I am not doing this for other people to see me in a whole new different way, I am doing this for myself.

I blame some of my habits on the wrong allocation of my time and because of this I am torn between being me and being who I want to be. But time for me now is really very important. I have thrown the stone with which I will be following, I'll be there soon, to throw farther and reach longer distances.

Well at this serious rate, I am already trying to start my focus on thesis. I am ready!

Bulacan at last! - Farewell to the UP College of Engineering ES Department

Yeap I am here and it surprises me that I am actually looking for stuff to do (and i thought this was going to be a rest day). Tomorrow will be another attempt to become a physicist by answering theoretical problems in my Engineering Sciences Course.

Anyway, I just remembered (after being so preoccupied by the many problems to solve) that the ES Department will be dissolved in favor of the localization of Engineering Science Courses to Departments of Civil Engineering, Materials Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, et cetera.

The ES Department is probably one of the scariest rooms in Melchor Hall being that it houses all the super intelligent, physics-immersed individuals of UP (the professors themselves); and one would feel the fear of entering as if there's an IQ meter at the door that displays your rating and then there'd be an automated function that the door will shut close for those students who fail to reach the IQ quota. But then, it still is a sad thing that the room will be converted to something else (that I don't know for now, but will try to know in the coming days). I have seen Melchor hall for many years with that department right at the heart of the lobby of the 3rd floor and it really is going to be a big change if the administrators of the UP College of Engineering dissolve a department like this.

With barely 2 months of intense study, I have already grown to appreciate Engineering Sciences, thanks to our dear professor who gave us everything we needed: competent syllabus and references, hard problem sets and exams, tips and advices on what we can do to improve our study habits and the most important of all he taught us to be excellent in everything we do-to never let mediocrity be a part of our vocabulary. I myself am hungry for more knowledge now. I think this course really changed me a lot. Well, actually all of my summer classes taught me something important I may make use in trying to finish my thesis this coming two semesters. Street Dance taught me that if you really put in your heart something you wish to invest on (skills), you will eventually succeed in it. Nat. Sci. I taught me to loosen up a bit every now and then and just let the information get into me without a lot of questions and doubts. ES taught me to respect other professions and it developed in me the yearning to be at par with those other professions.

8 units for the whole summer was a lot of work but I have to say that it was all worth it. Lessons truthfully learned..

What a Day! =p

Weird feeling not seeing the sun.

Moments from now, I will be battling my way into going home to Bulacan. It's really hard to go home there nowadays because traffic enforcers have been really strict towards the use of private vehicles for public transport. Yellow plates are the only one's allowed. Well, technically that should really be the case, but there is a shortage of vans and FX's with them plates.

It is really convenient for us passengers to have more means of traveling but then sometimes I think those private cars are not registered to do public transport and so they don't pay the right dues - so it may just be even for them to be displaced now.

Good bye Quezon City for a day! =p

I'll be back tomorrow for a submission of a take home exam and problem set in one of my ES subjects this summer. Happy Birthday again to Mr. Mike Sargado (May 17, 2008). Thank you so much again for the pizza..

Update to: Letting Out

Here's a secret. If you'll look back in my blog archive, you'll find a post entitled "Letting Out." Truth is I was not able to let out. I don't know why I hesitated. Maybe it's just that I saw them happy together and it did not matter again to me if I'd remain hurt with my silence. I was somehow contented seeing her happy with someone else.

Maybe someday I can let out if I have convinced myself that I have no feelings for her anymore, but then what would be the point of letting her know that I have no feelings for her anymore?

I wanted to hug her and tell her I miss her so much. I wanted to approach her the way I used to. I wanted to tell her so many things. But all these wants went wayward like bubbles floating on air. As I bade them farewell, I became teary-eyed. I gave up again..

It is when you wake up from a good dream that you'll only realize that you want to sleep again and dream the same dream over and over..

At the Dawn

Things around me happen so fast
That I forget to cherish each and one of them
And soon after I figured I must
Comes the reality, "Sorry it's out of grasp."

Why is it that it's me who's always left behind
Even after giving most of what I have?
Still people find a way to leave me in the dark
And go on with their lives clueless of what I feel.

It is true as they say, all things come to an end
But in my case, when everything seems to start fine
Then comes a plague wreaking over dreams that I've planned
Leaving nothing on its trail, even memories I wish I have.

Sometimes I tend to believe I'm....

(to be continued)

Lonely Day

Today is one of those days wherein I would find myself bored to death. With a lot of things to review and no one to talk to, who's not going to feel bored? Anyway, I am usually like this whenever semesters come to an end and it kills me when it occurs to me that I'll be on vacation; well probably because I have never tried to enjoy the summer, not even once - ever since I entered college.

Come to think of it, maybe I should start enjoying the summer for I might be starting with my thesis already this coming semester and I am sure that I will be very much immersed to that study that I won't be able to socialize. BUT!!! I will nevertheless try to socialize at the best of my abilities. I may be in U.P. (stereotyping busy students) but I value the people I care for more than anything else. It's just that priorities must be set and this is the time when I have to really be serious and start doing stuff for myself.

In the end, I don't want to feel empty.. That's all. I am afraid that nobody needs me anymore. I am not an officer in our organization for AY 08-09 and even though I can still help, there's this part of me that sometimes makes me feel I am not needed anymore. Many of the people I got to be with for the past 2 years are now pursuing their own careers and a lot of my high school friends have formed their own sets of friends.

Even though people may find these things I say fickle, hey this is who I am. Though I am best at self pity (yes, I admit that), I still manage to move on but I don't forget the good and the bad times of the past because I know that in remembering those things, I can be guided or steered into a better path. And yes right now I feel empty, but soon I know that a great force will help me cope and not feel empty anymore. Whatever, whoever that force sends, I will welcome it with open arms.

A friend of mine once told me he gets really hurt when people leave, even for the simplest reasons of having to go somewhere else. He wishes to die before each one of his friends die so that he won't have to endure missing. I think that is really coward but hey I don't know what was going on in his mind when he said that. Sometimes I can relate.

Sigh... If anyone needs me, I am just around, give me a ring or message me up and I just may be able to help. I can use some company..

Hrmmm, someday I might look back on this and feel stupid, but I don't care.

PE2 Street Dance

These are the videos of one of our rehearsal days for the final exam in street dance (PE2).

Those present were:

Jaypee
Rys
Val
Archie
Rhia
Aileen
Mark

Go on Girl



Let's Groove Tonight

Is it Worth it?

Tell me what to say
Whenever I feel this way...
Slow and without life
Wearing pretentious smiles.

The things of the past
Haunts me like "Hey I'm your was."
Life's constantly changing
But life's unpredictably receding.

I've gone through painful walks,
Endured painful talks;
A lot of things bruised my life,
Am I in for a losing fight?

When my actions are classified
I'm forced to abide
By rules of social games, and
It's many constraints.

So this is what I say

If I free myself today,
Will you walk my way?
Protect me with your own strength?
Lull me with your breath?

If I free myself today,
Will you find a way
To see me everyday?
If I free myself today.

Will you make it worth it?


(to be continued)

Letting Out

Today, I may belong to the list of the most evil people there is in the world. I have decided, after days of contemplating, to let out what I need to say to someone. I am prepared to take the consequences of this action may it be positive or negative. I may hurt a lot of people, I may make a lot of enemies, but I just need to do this to attain personal peace. For the longest time I had been considering other people's emotions, I think now is the time to be selfish and think of myself too.

I have long protested against people trying to disrupt the natural order of things but right now I really don't care. I am really sorry. This is my way of coping..

Prelude to a Kiss

by: Alicia Keys

Sometimes I feel
Like I don’t belong anywhere
And it’s gonna take so long
For me to get somewhere
Sometimes I feel
So heavy hearted
But I can’t explain
Cuz I’m so guarded
But that’s a lonely road to travel
And a heavy load to bare
And it’s a long, long way to heaven
But I gotta get there
Can you send an angel?
Can you send me an angel?
Guide me

How Else can Endurance be Weighed

This blog was created a year ago...

Being in a large room alone, many thoughts started showing up with which I had resolved a minute after I thought of it. Then after watching an episode of desperate housewives, I figured assessing my desperate life.

I came to a point of realization that the hardest person to contend with is myself. I used to live in a life wherein I have these pre-conceived images of how good it was. Then came a huge rock, hit my head and woke me up and showed me the true life I had been living. A lie would be an understated word. It also made me realize how powerful the human mind is. How it fools one of what he wants to think and seemingly blocks the things that are really going on; authentically being desperate.

Each of us is desperate on something, that's what the soap tries to say. It seeks to show how life could fluctuate before our very eyes. My thoughts went on and I identified one recent incident in which I had been very truthful to myself and to my desperation. It somehow knocked me off and made me feel somewhat better, not trying to suppress myself. And so the chain of thoughts went on.

Clearly, one cannot generalize how he's to act in different situations especially if he knows small of himself like I do. And so goes with misjudging the possible consequences. So that leaves me with complete doubt and hesitation regarding continuing this life which has been placed over a pile of pretense. But I will, nevertheless continue and see the true path I have been walking on. Slowly, I will move to a better path and lead it with enduring pride and respect. To the people I have hurt or caused trouble along the way, I sincerely apologize.

Everything in life happens for a reason. It's meant to better what is at present. This is what everyone around me says. I just hope they are not lying coz I wanna believe that too.

Oh Well

My previous post seems a bit scattered. Haha, probably because I had no time editing it. I just had to say what I had to say. I mean I really value relationships that much; being that I love company. I mentioned it is very hard to disappoint me, but when I do get disappointed, it is harder to impress me again. My nature is to sit on one corner and try to explain things to myself with my twisted reasoning. I can think of 1000 different ways of why people react the way they do, in just 1 hour, that is how I manage to pinpoint my pseudo truths.

I am in a tedious search to find someone who would perfectly understand me, with the same odd views (ex. I somehow wish I could stop someone else's world with my absence). I am self-assured and doubtful at the same time. I sometimes think I have a lot of friends and sometimes believe I don't. I have mental arguments only I can hear. I suck at impressing people. My views are too grand yet my capabilities are average.

Oh well... Another day to figure these things out. Happy mother's day to all mothers.

Clueless

Love as they say, makes the world go 'round.

But how does one know he is in love?

I worry on my thoughts of love, this is how it goes:

I get into trouble trying to express love. My mind seems to serve only one master at a particular time, and when the heart knocks and asks for a room in my mind, it never leaves until both of them comes to a point of argue.

Being the (well, before I got too distracted with my emotions) one with the most achievements in our family did not help at all. The whole network of our clan branded me as responsible, intelligent, respectful and honest. With these came trust. I guess they trusted me with a lot of work and a lot of expectations that I never got to feel that the world around me had hell a lot else to offer. That was my life back then, trying to fill their hunger for my performance, trying to entertain them with my ways of cleaning the house, my playing of the piano, my singing and my grades. I was dismembered by my brothers in a childish way, saying that I was too much a competition for them. I got not an ounce of help on chores and got no introductions to their friends. My taste in everything was put under harsh scrutiny and I suddenly felt my weaknesses caving in. I learned to fight in my quiet ways or shall I say I taught myself to feel numb... I cannot actually believe no one ever thought I was capable of feelings. Well part can be blamed on me since I never really showed a lot of my emotions.

All these got me nowhere in this world fueled by love. Soon after I achieved something, they would want to hear something better the next time, and being a child trying to show the world gradual success was really not very easy. It was until I met my old best friend that I learned to ease up a bit and relax. I got to enjoy the company of a lot of people. He showed me how to succeed and still keep a life running. Having been deprived of a lot of those, I went too relaxed and it did not take long before it took toll on my run for success and excellence. I got lazy and uninspired a lot of times and it did not matter to me if ever I satisfied everyone else's expectations. But what I failed to see back then was that somehow I was really trying to achieve success for myself too; that I have a hunger for praises and compliments, that I was the very person my relatives were towards me. Just when I realized that, came my first encounter with love.

It was the heaviest of all feelings I have ever felt. It was not known to me until then that the heart was capable of holding such dense emotion. My lungs malfunction at the sight of the one I loved. It was not too long until it came to that person's knowledge through my indirect means that I had a heart. My "sort of LOVE" was reciprocated. There were times I found it hard to breathe when we talked, argued, spent time together. Not seeing her was the worst situation I always had to deal with.

But the inevitable came. When I experienced love, I sank deeper in my emotions and totally rid myself off the excellence and success track (although I managed to keep above average scores and evaluations). Love has left me wanting for more each day. It has left me in a state of illusion. She got too disappointed on me. We parted ways. It was a very unpleasant ending. It took me very long before I realized that maybe it was really love I felt. Only a couple of other friends knew about it and they were skeptic about it being the right kind of love because they believe we were incompatible in the first place.

My mind and my heart tend to believe there is no such thing as wrong kind of love. If you feel it then you feel it. It does not matter to whom you feel it for. This is my kind of love. It may be wrong for a lot of people who set up imaginary constraints around them in search of a "PROPER LOVE" but I disagree. Love is for everyone. The person feeling love may interpret it wrongly but love in its pure form is and never will be wrong.

Though I am not sure to how much degree I felt it back then, I know very well that at least I have felt it. I know its symptoms and I know well now how to identify it. They say we grow wiser each day. I say we grow wiser each time we fall.

This past week, it occurred to me that I was searching once again, but it was only lately that I realized that love will find me in my most unprepared state. It may dwell somewhere else so I have to keep moving to increase the chance of me discovering it. I have these small feelings right now, that until the time I get a more concrete basis of love, I do not wish to cultivate, at least for the moment.

Sigh. It is hard to argue with oneself, but when you are in total control of everything you feel, you are more composed and you tend to make the most wonderful decisions on stuff you are confronted with plus you render yourself poised to others.

I have met a lot of interesting people and I do hope to get to know each of them more in the coming days or even years (even when space and time does not permit). I was very blessed with a personality that is easy to get along with. It is true that it will be very hard to disappoint me. In this continuous journey, I choose to proceed carrying along with me the lessons of the past, the people of the present (yes, if I know you now, trust me that I won't let go of you that easy) and my dreams of the future.

Who?! Me?!

Well, these are stuff I found from my friend's Blog. I think it is a crude way to describe myself but it is amazingly parallel to how I see myself so I had to post it. Try it too!

You Are 38% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Hrmmm.. I sometimes tend to think I am worse than what people think of me. But then anyway, it's good that they understand me in my worst although VERY FEW don't (Bu-bye to you old friend! How I wish you were there to help me change. I changed after one year but then you did not welcome me with open arms and instead shrugged me off your life. Now, I am better, it's sad you won't see me starting to be back at my best but it is good that I would not have to put up with your denigrating.)

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

So cool. Haha, I think this one suits me well.

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

Hmmmm, have not really been in that stage of extreme degrees but yeah, this is a clue. People, I am not advertising, haha, but I'm single. Haha. Alone but not lonely though.

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. Your Fixation: Envy Your Primary Fear: To have no identity Your Primary Desire: To find yourself Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

What Number Are You?

Now this one I had to answer thrice but in my desperate measures to achieve a different result, this is all it replied.. Guess I am really this one. A psychology major friend of mine once told me that upon analyzing my personality, she thinks I may once in a while engage in one night stands. I was, "Reallyyyyy?! Oh no.." Haha.

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart. Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people. You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile. You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker. You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side. Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

The Biggest Word "Me"

Thanks to Rystraum for this, I found it in his blog. See for yourselves:

http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp


You entered: Jaypee Santos Quilala

There are 19 letters in your name.Those 19 letters total to 70
There are 9 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7
The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:

Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means: You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

Interestingly Wierd

I think I feel weird and drunk! My body's numb! haha.

Slowing Down

In this fast-paced world, one will really find it irrelevant to try and search for ways to slow oneself down but in the aspect of eating and digestion, its importance cannot be overstated. I have always tried my best to increase my eating time because as they say, this is good for those who want to lose that extra weight; that you'll feel fuller when you take in food slower than usual.

And so, the other day, I started slowing down on the intake. My usual lunch time goes for a mere 5 minutes on rice and 3 minutes on sandwiches and now it has improved to at least 8 minutes for sandwiches and 15 minutes for rice meals. And it is true I felt fuller and more energetic being that I don't tire myself by overworking my digestive system.

I guess this is also the reason why break times are designed to run from 15 minutes to an hour, but because of deadlines and other stuff that make us busy, we forget to enjoy eating. Sometimes I fear the fact that fast food chains are a hit. They make people move quick plus the fact that every meal is bundled with a soft drink.

Though I am really a fan of McDonalds and Jollibee, sometimes I move away from the hype and pursue my own ways of enjoying the food I eat and it starts with preparing my own food. How I really wish I can cook at our boarding house but it's not permitted due to fire issues, but even though this is the case I still find ways to do cold preparations.

In this way, I learned to savor each bite I partake from food I prepared and learned to really eat (heartily) and benefit from it.

Super CLEAN!

I got home (in our boarding house) tonight at around 7:00PM because I went to SM Hypermarket to buy a pair of shoes for my dance class because I left my shoes over at Rome's place in Tagaytay during my induction. I ate the unusual meal of three sticks of hotdog with leafy veggies plus tomatoes and white onions (trust me, this one's not a good combination with catsup). I got this hotdog for 50% less because of the great Buy 1 Take 1 scheme that SM d'Block has right now. Well, I stood there at the chiller convincing myself which to choose; 1 kilo of hotdogs or 3 cans of different preparations of meat loaf? Well, of course I had to go with the lesser junkie which is the hotdog. And so I got new shoes from ADVAN which is by the way very likeable because it is all-white and very stylish for PhP299.00 only! Aha, that trick still works, placing nine at the end makes it look cheaper.

Anyway after dinner, I had to do the regular washing of my own dishes thing and I remembered I had to put the hotdogs in the fridge. Voila! I hesitated to put my food inside the fridge because of the mess I saw. Hrmmm.. To make it more vivid, here's a picture of our fridge when I opened it to store my food:
Haha! Of course I am overstating, but blood rushed to my head like a bullet and I found myself headed for the kitchen sink and grabbing all the cleaning materials I can.

It really annoyed me when I found that a lot of the food inside the fridge were actually not edible anymore and they were more worthy to be in a bio lab than in our kitchen, as scientists may find more use for it in trying to figure out a new rat poison. I threw about 4 containers with used to be food inside, around 7 oranges and 4 tomatoes. I hate it when things go to waste and whenever I see stuff like these I shout, and yes I shouted. It took me around an hour with a little help from two of my housemates to finish cleaning the fridge. While on my way up to the second floor of our house, I sang "Go the Distance" which was a silent protest to those (well, some) unmindful house mates I have. Haha! They say Cleanliness is next to Godliness; though I am so far from being Godly, I know very well that I am very clean when it comes to food.

Of course after cleaning downstairs I did not expect to be staying up late because of the problems in the internet. Apparently the router was assigning IP addresses which were not unique, so I had to troubleshoot and finally had to restore to factory settings when all else failed. So, neighbors out there at Marilag Street, UP Village, tonight is your lucky night, we are not yet imposing security in our internet connection as the source is open for all. Enjoy this night while you can, for tomorrow yours truly will be imposing a key requirement already.
Well, I am so excited to show everyone the fruit of my one-hour, labor, this is the AFTER look of our fridge. I hope it stays that way for a couple more days or else I'm going to lose it.. My brother and I used to argue a lot because of my cleanliness issues and we always ended up fighting with a broom and mop. He's now in Australia. Anyway, I've got an early class!

A Song in Mind

Blog Entry no. 2

I first heard Keyshia Cole in Sean Paul's single way way back. I'm so happy to hear her do a song like this. Asia Epperson, that American Idol finalist who lost her dad while in the competition; actually sound like her.

This is a great after break-up song. It sorts of remind me of a very distant past. Ahaha! Anyway, I bet only a few people would know what I am talking about.

"I promised myself I will love me first genuinely," haha, makes me wanna sing. The song is very manageable for guys too, an octave below and it's OK except that some may think it's too sentimental to sing this song!

If you like the song, or the video, please download the original files from iTunes or purchase a copy of her CD "Just Like You." Piracy is a crime.

I Remember

Keyshia Cole

Ohhh....Remember...

Ohhh, I remember...

I wanna know...

[Verse 1:]

Where were you when I said I loved you?

And where were you when I cried at night?

Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you.

Thinking of all the times we shared.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I screamed I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

I'm sad and lonely.

[Verse 2:]

No one knew all the pain I went through.

All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.

Didn't know where I would go, where I would be.

But you made me leave.

And plus my heart it just,it kept telling me so.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I screamed I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

So sad and lonely.

[Bridge:]

There was nowhere else to go, oh.

Nobody else to turn to, no.

For the rest of my life,

I promised myself I

will love me first genuinely.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I said I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

Sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

So sad and lonely, hey.

I remember when I stormed out

I remember when I gave up loving you.

I was sad and lonely.

Welcome Everyone!

Hi there! This is my first blog. Actually I stopped blogging two years ago (after 6months of continuous blogging for my Creative Writing 10 subject) so technically this is not my first blog, but since I've found a new way of convincing myself to continue this years hence, I would like to consider this as Blog Entry no. 1.

Why the change of heart? Well, in my old blogs, I used to rant about how I cannot control or effect change in so many things (to others and especially to myself) until that one day when a cancer patient saw my blog and wrote a letter telling me stuff he's been going through. It made me realize I was almost always into the negative vibe. I felt ashamed and erased all my blogs from day 1. I found it very hard to convince myself to start recording my life in an electronic database again but I feel it's time to give myself one more chance.

I am guessing this will be one journey of ups and downs. I do hope to inspire others in my blogs the way I was inspired by blogs of a friend to start writing again. It is amazing to find someone else with quite the same interest and situations in life; it is almost like a note telling me that "hey, someone else may understand." Aha! And then it all boils down to an effort of making a virtual representation of my day for the whole world to relate or not to relate to.. -JaPo