Faith!

I have found this one very effective. I got exempted from an exam in which I did not review in and I believe this saved me from failing the subject. Had I not been exempted, I would have messed up the final examination which would have accounted for 40% of my final grade. I also use this prayer in situations when I start to lose hope and this gives me reasons to have faith on the Great Planner up there.. =p

There's nothing wrong if you'd try too.

Prayer to St. Jude

To be said when problems arise or when one seems to be deprived of all visible help, or for cases almost despaired of.

Most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, this church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of the hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, I am so hopeless and alone. Make use, I implore you of that particular privilege given to you to bring speedy help where help is most despaired of. Come to my assistance in this need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with you and all the elect forever. I promise, o blessed St. Jude, to be mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you, Amen.

Novena prayer must be said six times each for nine consecutive days leaving nine copies in church each day. Prayer will be answered on or before the ninth day and has never known to fail.

Novena Prayer

May the most Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored and loved in all tabernacles until the end of time, Amen.

May the most Sacred Heart of Jesus be praised and glorified now and forever, Amen.

St. Jude, pray for us and hear our prayers, Amen.

Blessed be the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Blessed be St. Jude Thaddeus in all the world and for all eternity.

(Say this prayer followed by Our Father and Hail Mary)

Make eighty-one copies and leave nine copies in church for each consecutive nine days. You will receive your intention on or before the nine days are over no matter how impossible it may seem. Pray with love and faith.

On the Road to Victory

Early this morning I was really frustrated over myself being late for the Fund Run our organization is participating in to garner points for block selection this coming June 2008. I woke up minutes before 6:00 in the morning and we were expected to arrive at the Arts and Sciences Building (Palma Hall) at exactly 6:00 AM and add the fact that I am coming from Bulacan. And so I arrived at the starting position for the run at exactly 8:10AM and was worried that my friends have finished their runs already. I was lucky that at my first 2.2 kilometers all of them accompanied me. And to motivate ourselves to finish early, Dax suggested that we run in a single file and then the person at the rear shall overtake the line and place himself in front of the first person in line, and then the next one to be at the rear will do the same.. Fortunately I was able to keep up with the team. I finished the whole academic oval without stopping.

And then I was very lucky that Pao offered to accompany me in my second round. We actually walked on most parts of the oval and just jogged when we were 3/4's on our way. And then I had to speed up (leave Pao behind-come to think of it, I should not have done that) and be welcomed by my orgmates at the finish line. The whole team completed 84 laps I guess, 4 of which was mine. That was insignificant but hey, it's still help. We had plans of eating lunch out and drinking (yes with the sun so up in the sky at noon) but it was wierd it got cancelled out.

What made me sad was when I realized I was really very unmindful of other people's time. I was supposed to be at Vinzons at 6:00AM to meet Pao and start the run early but I was 2 hours late. Well, no one actually stalled and waited for me, but I hoped I could have helped more.

It was really funny that while I was jogging, a phrase kept on appearing in my mind, telling me that I am on my road to victory. Haha! I don't know what it means but it was really recurring. And true enough, the road started there, and the need to acquire a better fitness scheme became rampant. I hope I get there in time. =p

Faith and Doubt

I have faith that I will be allowed to take the thesis this coming semester.

I have doubts over my capabilities, if I can actually survive the pressure.

I have faith that I will pass my required subject for thesis (ES13) that I took this summer.

I have doubts over my performance in my exams in the said subject.

I have faith that I don't need to enlist AR27 because I have faith I passed ES13.

I have doubts that I may be wrong, so where is my faith then?

Hmmm, then I should entrust everything to Him up there.

I have faith in His plans for me.


I have failed a number of subjects in my UP life due to tardiness, sickness and the toughness of the subject. One of my friends told me this, "I actually envy you because even though you failed a number of times, you still find the happiness, strength and the willingness to push through with Architecture." At first I did not know if I was to feel offended or praised plainly because I am not so proud of those failures I had, but I don't hide them. But then right now, I feel that my friend was actually expressing true admiration.

Sometimes it really is hard to stand on your own foot and defend yourself from each trial you face. I have had a lot of experiences wherein I alone got through my pains, my battles and my conflicts. It is true as they say, the more the edges of a diamond, the shinier it gets. I feel more able now.

And how exactly did I get through my troubles? Well, the first step I took most of the time of course was to identify the problem, like any science book tells me - Clearly identifying the problem made me identify the real issue. I sorted out all my abilities and sought which ones may help me in my problem (singing takes my mind off worrying too much, freestyle playing a piano makes me close my eyes and float in my imagination, exercise and now, dance makes me perspire and makes me push myself to the limit). These were the delays I made use of in trying to start a mind set for the harder part of the problem, the solution. And when I did get there, I faced it head on, although sometimes I became too lazy to fight and procrastinated, but one thing was sure, it was the day of facing the problem.

I am now filled with hope that I'll finally be able to finish Architecture. I have been forged in hotter environs and I am confident enough to face the world's new offers.

I want to swim

I need to dip myself into a big pool, and so I am hoping that the sun does come out. It's very gloomy and it affects my mood. =p But I'm going to swim no matter what..

It's weird sometimes when I'm underwater that I hear a voice that tells me "be at peace with the water." Hmmm, this may be because of the fact that I almost died before when I drowned. Maybe it's a way of coping with my fear of water level higher than 5feet. Haha, and to think I took Skin Diving in my freshie year.

I can still remember the incident when I shocked all of my relatives with my almost-dead body being brought to the hospital. I consider my life right now a second life that's why I am making the most of it. First in the list (which does not mean I have accomplished it already) is to overcome my fear of deep waters. I can't even really enjoy beaches because of this fear. And because I am determined to conquer this fear, I should swim more often.. When I get rich, I'll have a pool in my yard.

Time Zone?

I need help regarding setting the proper time on the internet. My clock says the same thing but when I post entries the time isn't the same. Sad... Now how am I going to remember the time I wrote all these stuff when I keep on posting with the wrong time in it? =(

OK I just have to remind myself to add 9 hours to the post time. I can live with that for now.. Someone help me...

So True!

It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been ? But what of the man who's faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer be? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealously and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better or something better finds its way to us.

- Dan Scott

My Form of Escape

Cooking...

Haha, I am making myself some breakfast.
When I say SOME breakfast, I mean junkie breakfast (yakisoba)
I have just finished my morning dance exercise
And now I am waiting for the water to boil.
Apart from the usual yakisoba, this one's better
I put veggies and make my own seasoning.
Talk about being in control.

Hmmmm, maybe this is the reason why
I love cooking coz this is one of those activities
where I rule my world and control everything in it.
Haha, there we go again..

"I'm too fly to be depressed."

I so like this line from Ne-yo's "Go on Girl."

So pretentious yet so recuperating especially after a break-up.

But I still think being depressed is good since it makes you realize the value of happiness when it comes.. =p

U-Turns

Today I officially declare that I am through with the summer classes. No more requirements or exams on any subject. Today is also one of those days when I feel big changes going to happen.

It will take long before I can get over the early wake up that my body got used to because of my PE street dance; and it's almost always after waking up that I'd do two or three runs of our two dances even after the final presentation. I have made friends in this class, friends I wish to keep until I can. Just a while ago we had dinner and a little booze (cheers to our accomplished semester). I feel really happy when I make new friends. It makes me think that I can still somehow make other people happy too; and separations scare me a lot, but I have high hopes that each one of us will see each other again. I just tell myself, we can always go back and take U-turns so we can all rekindle the friendship.

It scares me to think that I will be entering the halls of our dear UP Architecture this coming June as a student ready to take the thesis. Am I really ready? Only I can tell. It scares me because when I am busy I become moody and people tell me I become a monster; one you cannot disturb or else will turn green and destroy anything he touches (exaggeration of course). I hope I can solve this moody thing and learn how to relax even when doing heavy tasks.

Wish me luck and I hope to get the Best Thesis title.. =p

Is that so?

A friend of mine told me that I am becoming a "KSP" person again. KSP in Filipino is "kulang sa pansin" and in English somebody who has "attention deficiency." Hmmm, I don't know if I'd agree with my friend or if I'd differ. Anyway, I am writing blogs because I want to put into account significant things that happen in my life so I may be able to update my friends not within reach. This is my attempt to be physically present with them. I refuse to fade away like an old memory. So, maybe I need their attention.. Officially KSP!

Sincere

In my attempt to overcome my weaknesses, I stumble upon glitches in my willingness to change. Of course, I am only human that's why I think it is normal to employ gradual change. I cannot therefore expect to change in a month's time. But I am a very impatient person and I usually impose a lot of restrictions to myself that some people may find too harsh on my part. But then this is how I get to imbue myself of the necessary traits I want to portray. I am not doing this for other people to see me in a whole new different way, I am doing this for myself.

I blame some of my habits on the wrong allocation of my time and because of this I am torn between being me and being who I want to be. But time for me now is really very important. I have thrown the stone with which I will be following, I'll be there soon, to throw farther and reach longer distances.

Well at this serious rate, I am already trying to start my focus on thesis. I am ready!

Bulacan at last! - Farewell to the UP College of Engineering ES Department

Yeap I am here and it surprises me that I am actually looking for stuff to do (and i thought this was going to be a rest day). Tomorrow will be another attempt to become a physicist by answering theoretical problems in my Engineering Sciences Course.

Anyway, I just remembered (after being so preoccupied by the many problems to solve) that the ES Department will be dissolved in favor of the localization of Engineering Science Courses to Departments of Civil Engineering, Materials Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, et cetera.

The ES Department is probably one of the scariest rooms in Melchor Hall being that it houses all the super intelligent, physics-immersed individuals of UP (the professors themselves); and one would feel the fear of entering as if there's an IQ meter at the door that displays your rating and then there'd be an automated function that the door will shut close for those students who fail to reach the IQ quota. But then, it still is a sad thing that the room will be converted to something else (that I don't know for now, but will try to know in the coming days). I have seen Melchor hall for many years with that department right at the heart of the lobby of the 3rd floor and it really is going to be a big change if the administrators of the UP College of Engineering dissolve a department like this.

With barely 2 months of intense study, I have already grown to appreciate Engineering Sciences, thanks to our dear professor who gave us everything we needed: competent syllabus and references, hard problem sets and exams, tips and advices on what we can do to improve our study habits and the most important of all he taught us to be excellent in everything we do-to never let mediocrity be a part of our vocabulary. I myself am hungry for more knowledge now. I think this course really changed me a lot. Well, actually all of my summer classes taught me something important I may make use in trying to finish my thesis this coming two semesters. Street Dance taught me that if you really put in your heart something you wish to invest on (skills), you will eventually succeed in it. Nat. Sci. I taught me to loosen up a bit every now and then and just let the information get into me without a lot of questions and doubts. ES taught me to respect other professions and it developed in me the yearning to be at par with those other professions.

8 units for the whole summer was a lot of work but I have to say that it was all worth it. Lessons truthfully learned..

What a Day! =p

Weird feeling not seeing the sun.

Moments from now, I will be battling my way into going home to Bulacan. It's really hard to go home there nowadays because traffic enforcers have been really strict towards the use of private vehicles for public transport. Yellow plates are the only one's allowed. Well, technically that should really be the case, but there is a shortage of vans and FX's with them plates.

It is really convenient for us passengers to have more means of traveling but then sometimes I think those private cars are not registered to do public transport and so they don't pay the right dues - so it may just be even for them to be displaced now.

Good bye Quezon City for a day! =p

I'll be back tomorrow for a submission of a take home exam and problem set in one of my ES subjects this summer. Happy Birthday again to Mr. Mike Sargado (May 17, 2008). Thank you so much again for the pizza..

Update to: Letting Out

Here's a secret. If you'll look back in my blog archive, you'll find a post entitled "Letting Out." Truth is I was not able to let out. I don't know why I hesitated. Maybe it's just that I saw them happy together and it did not matter again to me if I'd remain hurt with my silence. I was somehow contented seeing her happy with someone else.

Maybe someday I can let out if I have convinced myself that I have no feelings for her anymore, but then what would be the point of letting her know that I have no feelings for her anymore?

I wanted to hug her and tell her I miss her so much. I wanted to approach her the way I used to. I wanted to tell her so many things. But all these wants went wayward like bubbles floating on air. As I bade them farewell, I became teary-eyed. I gave up again..

It is when you wake up from a good dream that you'll only realize that you want to sleep again and dream the same dream over and over..

At the Dawn

Things around me happen so fast
That I forget to cherish each and one of them
And soon after I figured I must
Comes the reality, "Sorry it's out of grasp."

Why is it that it's me who's always left behind
Even after giving most of what I have?
Still people find a way to leave me in the dark
And go on with their lives clueless of what I feel.

It is true as they say, all things come to an end
But in my case, when everything seems to start fine
Then comes a plague wreaking over dreams that I've planned
Leaving nothing on its trail, even memories I wish I have.

Sometimes I tend to believe I'm....

(to be continued)

Lonely Day

Today is one of those days wherein I would find myself bored to death. With a lot of things to review and no one to talk to, who's not going to feel bored? Anyway, I am usually like this whenever semesters come to an end and it kills me when it occurs to me that I'll be on vacation; well probably because I have never tried to enjoy the summer, not even once - ever since I entered college.

Come to think of it, maybe I should start enjoying the summer for I might be starting with my thesis already this coming semester and I am sure that I will be very much immersed to that study that I won't be able to socialize. BUT!!! I will nevertheless try to socialize at the best of my abilities. I may be in U.P. (stereotyping busy students) but I value the people I care for more than anything else. It's just that priorities must be set and this is the time when I have to really be serious and start doing stuff for myself.

In the end, I don't want to feel empty.. That's all. I am afraid that nobody needs me anymore. I am not an officer in our organization for AY 08-09 and even though I can still help, there's this part of me that sometimes makes me feel I am not needed anymore. Many of the people I got to be with for the past 2 years are now pursuing their own careers and a lot of my high school friends have formed their own sets of friends.

Even though people may find these things I say fickle, hey this is who I am. Though I am best at self pity (yes, I admit that), I still manage to move on but I don't forget the good and the bad times of the past because I know that in remembering those things, I can be guided or steered into a better path. And yes right now I feel empty, but soon I know that a great force will help me cope and not feel empty anymore. Whatever, whoever that force sends, I will welcome it with open arms.

A friend of mine once told me he gets really hurt when people leave, even for the simplest reasons of having to go somewhere else. He wishes to die before each one of his friends die so that he won't have to endure missing. I think that is really coward but hey I don't know what was going on in his mind when he said that. Sometimes I can relate.

Sigh... If anyone needs me, I am just around, give me a ring or message me up and I just may be able to help. I can use some company..

Hrmmm, someday I might look back on this and feel stupid, but I don't care.

PE2 Street Dance

These are the videos of one of our rehearsal days for the final exam in street dance (PE2).

Those present were:

Jaypee
Rys
Val
Archie
Rhia
Aileen
Mark

Go on Girl



Let's Groove Tonight

Is it Worth it?

Tell me what to say
Whenever I feel this way...
Slow and without life
Wearing pretentious smiles.

The things of the past
Haunts me like "Hey I'm your was."
Life's constantly changing
But life's unpredictably receding.

I've gone through painful walks,
Endured painful talks;
A lot of things bruised my life,
Am I in for a losing fight?

When my actions are classified
I'm forced to abide
By rules of social games, and
It's many constraints.

So this is what I say

If I free myself today,
Will you walk my way?
Protect me with your own strength?
Lull me with your breath?

If I free myself today,
Will you find a way
To see me everyday?
If I free myself today.

Will you make it worth it?


(to be continued)

Letting Out

Today, I may belong to the list of the most evil people there is in the world. I have decided, after days of contemplating, to let out what I need to say to someone. I am prepared to take the consequences of this action may it be positive or negative. I may hurt a lot of people, I may make a lot of enemies, but I just need to do this to attain personal peace. For the longest time I had been considering other people's emotions, I think now is the time to be selfish and think of myself too.

I have long protested against people trying to disrupt the natural order of things but right now I really don't care. I am really sorry. This is my way of coping..

Prelude to a Kiss

by: Alicia Keys

Sometimes I feel
Like I don’t belong anywhere
And it’s gonna take so long
For me to get somewhere
Sometimes I feel
So heavy hearted
But I can’t explain
Cuz I’m so guarded
But that’s a lonely road to travel
And a heavy load to bare
And it’s a long, long way to heaven
But I gotta get there
Can you send an angel?
Can you send me an angel?
Guide me

How Else can Endurance be Weighed

This blog was created a year ago...

Being in a large room alone, many thoughts started showing up with which I had resolved a minute after I thought of it. Then after watching an episode of desperate housewives, I figured assessing my desperate life.

I came to a point of realization that the hardest person to contend with is myself. I used to live in a life wherein I have these pre-conceived images of how good it was. Then came a huge rock, hit my head and woke me up and showed me the true life I had been living. A lie would be an understated word. It also made me realize how powerful the human mind is. How it fools one of what he wants to think and seemingly blocks the things that are really going on; authentically being desperate.

Each of us is desperate on something, that's what the soap tries to say. It seeks to show how life could fluctuate before our very eyes. My thoughts went on and I identified one recent incident in which I had been very truthful to myself and to my desperation. It somehow knocked me off and made me feel somewhat better, not trying to suppress myself. And so the chain of thoughts went on.

Clearly, one cannot generalize how he's to act in different situations especially if he knows small of himself like I do. And so goes with misjudging the possible consequences. So that leaves me with complete doubt and hesitation regarding continuing this life which has been placed over a pile of pretense. But I will, nevertheless continue and see the true path I have been walking on. Slowly, I will move to a better path and lead it with enduring pride and respect. To the people I have hurt or caused trouble along the way, I sincerely apologize.

Everything in life happens for a reason. It's meant to better what is at present. This is what everyone around me says. I just hope they are not lying coz I wanna believe that too.

Oh Well

My previous post seems a bit scattered. Haha, probably because I had no time editing it. I just had to say what I had to say. I mean I really value relationships that much; being that I love company. I mentioned it is very hard to disappoint me, but when I do get disappointed, it is harder to impress me again. My nature is to sit on one corner and try to explain things to myself with my twisted reasoning. I can think of 1000 different ways of why people react the way they do, in just 1 hour, that is how I manage to pinpoint my pseudo truths.

I am in a tedious search to find someone who would perfectly understand me, with the same odd views (ex. I somehow wish I could stop someone else's world with my absence). I am self-assured and doubtful at the same time. I sometimes think I have a lot of friends and sometimes believe I don't. I have mental arguments only I can hear. I suck at impressing people. My views are too grand yet my capabilities are average.

Oh well... Another day to figure these things out. Happy mother's day to all mothers.

Clueless

Love as they say, makes the world go 'round.

But how does one know he is in love?

I worry on my thoughts of love, this is how it goes:

I get into trouble trying to express love. My mind seems to serve only one master at a particular time, and when the heart knocks and asks for a room in my mind, it never leaves until both of them comes to a point of argue.

Being the (well, before I got too distracted with my emotions) one with the most achievements in our family did not help at all. The whole network of our clan branded me as responsible, intelligent, respectful and honest. With these came trust. I guess they trusted me with a lot of work and a lot of expectations that I never got to feel that the world around me had hell a lot else to offer. That was my life back then, trying to fill their hunger for my performance, trying to entertain them with my ways of cleaning the house, my playing of the piano, my singing and my grades. I was dismembered by my brothers in a childish way, saying that I was too much a competition for them. I got not an ounce of help on chores and got no introductions to their friends. My taste in everything was put under harsh scrutiny and I suddenly felt my weaknesses caving in. I learned to fight in my quiet ways or shall I say I taught myself to feel numb... I cannot actually believe no one ever thought I was capable of feelings. Well part can be blamed on me since I never really showed a lot of my emotions.

All these got me nowhere in this world fueled by love. Soon after I achieved something, they would want to hear something better the next time, and being a child trying to show the world gradual success was really not very easy. It was until I met my old best friend that I learned to ease up a bit and relax. I got to enjoy the company of a lot of people. He showed me how to succeed and still keep a life running. Having been deprived of a lot of those, I went too relaxed and it did not take long before it took toll on my run for success and excellence. I got lazy and uninspired a lot of times and it did not matter to me if ever I satisfied everyone else's expectations. But what I failed to see back then was that somehow I was really trying to achieve success for myself too; that I have a hunger for praises and compliments, that I was the very person my relatives were towards me. Just when I realized that, came my first encounter with love.

It was the heaviest of all feelings I have ever felt. It was not known to me until then that the heart was capable of holding such dense emotion. My lungs malfunction at the sight of the one I loved. It was not too long until it came to that person's knowledge through my indirect means that I had a heart. My "sort of LOVE" was reciprocated. There were times I found it hard to breathe when we talked, argued, spent time together. Not seeing her was the worst situation I always had to deal with.

But the inevitable came. When I experienced love, I sank deeper in my emotions and totally rid myself off the excellence and success track (although I managed to keep above average scores and evaluations). Love has left me wanting for more each day. It has left me in a state of illusion. She got too disappointed on me. We parted ways. It was a very unpleasant ending. It took me very long before I realized that maybe it was really love I felt. Only a couple of other friends knew about it and they were skeptic about it being the right kind of love because they believe we were incompatible in the first place.

My mind and my heart tend to believe there is no such thing as wrong kind of love. If you feel it then you feel it. It does not matter to whom you feel it for. This is my kind of love. It may be wrong for a lot of people who set up imaginary constraints around them in search of a "PROPER LOVE" but I disagree. Love is for everyone. The person feeling love may interpret it wrongly but love in its pure form is and never will be wrong.

Though I am not sure to how much degree I felt it back then, I know very well that at least I have felt it. I know its symptoms and I know well now how to identify it. They say we grow wiser each day. I say we grow wiser each time we fall.

This past week, it occurred to me that I was searching once again, but it was only lately that I realized that love will find me in my most unprepared state. It may dwell somewhere else so I have to keep moving to increase the chance of me discovering it. I have these small feelings right now, that until the time I get a more concrete basis of love, I do not wish to cultivate, at least for the moment.

Sigh. It is hard to argue with oneself, but when you are in total control of everything you feel, you are more composed and you tend to make the most wonderful decisions on stuff you are confronted with plus you render yourself poised to others.

I have met a lot of interesting people and I do hope to get to know each of them more in the coming days or even years (even when space and time does not permit). I was very blessed with a personality that is easy to get along with. It is true that it will be very hard to disappoint me. In this continuous journey, I choose to proceed carrying along with me the lessons of the past, the people of the present (yes, if I know you now, trust me that I won't let go of you that easy) and my dreams of the future.

Who?! Me?!

Well, these are stuff I found from my friend's Blog. I think it is a crude way to describe myself but it is amazingly parallel to how I see myself so I had to post it. Try it too!

You Are 38% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Hrmmm.. I sometimes tend to think I am worse than what people think of me. But then anyway, it's good that they understand me in my worst although VERY FEW don't (Bu-bye to you old friend! How I wish you were there to help me change. I changed after one year but then you did not welcome me with open arms and instead shrugged me off your life. Now, I am better, it's sad you won't see me starting to be back at my best but it is good that I would not have to put up with your denigrating.)

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

So cool. Haha, I think this one suits me well.

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

Hmmmm, have not really been in that stage of extreme degrees but yeah, this is a clue. People, I am not advertising, haha, but I'm single. Haha. Alone but not lonely though.

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. Your Fixation: Envy Your Primary Fear: To have no identity Your Primary Desire: To find yourself Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

What Number Are You?

Now this one I had to answer thrice but in my desperate measures to achieve a different result, this is all it replied.. Guess I am really this one. A psychology major friend of mine once told me that upon analyzing my personality, she thinks I may once in a while engage in one night stands. I was, "Reallyyyyy?! Oh no.." Haha.

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart. Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people. You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile. You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker. You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side. Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

The Biggest Word "Me"

Thanks to Rystraum for this, I found it in his blog. See for yourselves:

http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp


You entered: Jaypee Santos Quilala

There are 19 letters in your name.Those 19 letters total to 70
There are 9 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7
The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:

Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means: You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

Interestingly Wierd

I think I feel weird and drunk! My body's numb! haha.

Slowing Down

In this fast-paced world, one will really find it irrelevant to try and search for ways to slow oneself down but in the aspect of eating and digestion, its importance cannot be overstated. I have always tried my best to increase my eating time because as they say, this is good for those who want to lose that extra weight; that you'll feel fuller when you take in food slower than usual.

And so, the other day, I started slowing down on the intake. My usual lunch time goes for a mere 5 minutes on rice and 3 minutes on sandwiches and now it has improved to at least 8 minutes for sandwiches and 15 minutes for rice meals. And it is true I felt fuller and more energetic being that I don't tire myself by overworking my digestive system.

I guess this is also the reason why break times are designed to run from 15 minutes to an hour, but because of deadlines and other stuff that make us busy, we forget to enjoy eating. Sometimes I fear the fact that fast food chains are a hit. They make people move quick plus the fact that every meal is bundled with a soft drink.

Though I am really a fan of McDonalds and Jollibee, sometimes I move away from the hype and pursue my own ways of enjoying the food I eat and it starts with preparing my own food. How I really wish I can cook at our boarding house but it's not permitted due to fire issues, but even though this is the case I still find ways to do cold preparations.

In this way, I learned to savor each bite I partake from food I prepared and learned to really eat (heartily) and benefit from it.

Super CLEAN!

I got home (in our boarding house) tonight at around 7:00PM because I went to SM Hypermarket to buy a pair of shoes for my dance class because I left my shoes over at Rome's place in Tagaytay during my induction. I ate the unusual meal of three sticks of hotdog with leafy veggies plus tomatoes and white onions (trust me, this one's not a good combination with catsup). I got this hotdog for 50% less because of the great Buy 1 Take 1 scheme that SM d'Block has right now. Well, I stood there at the chiller convincing myself which to choose; 1 kilo of hotdogs or 3 cans of different preparations of meat loaf? Well, of course I had to go with the lesser junkie which is the hotdog. And so I got new shoes from ADVAN which is by the way very likeable because it is all-white and very stylish for PhP299.00 only! Aha, that trick still works, placing nine at the end makes it look cheaper.

Anyway after dinner, I had to do the regular washing of my own dishes thing and I remembered I had to put the hotdogs in the fridge. Voila! I hesitated to put my food inside the fridge because of the mess I saw. Hrmmm.. To make it more vivid, here's a picture of our fridge when I opened it to store my food:
Haha! Of course I am overstating, but blood rushed to my head like a bullet and I found myself headed for the kitchen sink and grabbing all the cleaning materials I can.

It really annoyed me when I found that a lot of the food inside the fridge were actually not edible anymore and they were more worthy to be in a bio lab than in our kitchen, as scientists may find more use for it in trying to figure out a new rat poison. I threw about 4 containers with used to be food inside, around 7 oranges and 4 tomatoes. I hate it when things go to waste and whenever I see stuff like these I shout, and yes I shouted. It took me around an hour with a little help from two of my housemates to finish cleaning the fridge. While on my way up to the second floor of our house, I sang "Go the Distance" which was a silent protest to those (well, some) unmindful house mates I have. Haha! They say Cleanliness is next to Godliness; though I am so far from being Godly, I know very well that I am very clean when it comes to food.

Of course after cleaning downstairs I did not expect to be staying up late because of the problems in the internet. Apparently the router was assigning IP addresses which were not unique, so I had to troubleshoot and finally had to restore to factory settings when all else failed. So, neighbors out there at Marilag Street, UP Village, tonight is your lucky night, we are not yet imposing security in our internet connection as the source is open for all. Enjoy this night while you can, for tomorrow yours truly will be imposing a key requirement already.
Well, I am so excited to show everyone the fruit of my one-hour, labor, this is the AFTER look of our fridge. I hope it stays that way for a couple more days or else I'm going to lose it.. My brother and I used to argue a lot because of my cleanliness issues and we always ended up fighting with a broom and mop. He's now in Australia. Anyway, I've got an early class!

A Song in Mind

Blog Entry no. 2

I first heard Keyshia Cole in Sean Paul's single way way back. I'm so happy to hear her do a song like this. Asia Epperson, that American Idol finalist who lost her dad while in the competition; actually sound like her.

This is a great after break-up song. It sorts of remind me of a very distant past. Ahaha! Anyway, I bet only a few people would know what I am talking about.

"I promised myself I will love me first genuinely," haha, makes me wanna sing. The song is very manageable for guys too, an octave below and it's OK except that some may think it's too sentimental to sing this song!

If you like the song, or the video, please download the original files from iTunes or purchase a copy of her CD "Just Like You." Piracy is a crime.

I Remember

Keyshia Cole

Ohhh....Remember...

Ohhh, I remember...

I wanna know...

[Verse 1:]

Where were you when I said I loved you?

And where were you when I cried at night?

Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you.

Thinking of all the times we shared.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I screamed I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

I'm sad and lonely.

[Verse 2:]

No one knew all the pain I went through.

All the love I saved deep in my heart for you.

Didn't know where I would go, where I would be.

But you made me leave.

And plus my heart it just,it kept telling me so.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I screamed I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

So sad and lonely.

[Bridge:]

There was nowhere else to go, oh.

Nobody else to turn to, no.

For the rest of my life,

I promised myself I

will love me first genuinely.

[Chorus:]

I remember when my heart broke.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

I was sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I said I hated you.

But somehow deep inside I'm still loving you.

Sad and lonely.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

So sad and lonely, hey.

I remember when I stormed out

I remember when I gave up loving you.

I was sad and lonely.

Welcome Everyone!

Hi there! This is my first blog. Actually I stopped blogging two years ago (after 6months of continuous blogging for my Creative Writing 10 subject) so technically this is not my first blog, but since I've found a new way of convincing myself to continue this years hence, I would like to consider this as Blog Entry no. 1.

Why the change of heart? Well, in my old blogs, I used to rant about how I cannot control or effect change in so many things (to others and especially to myself) until that one day when a cancer patient saw my blog and wrote a letter telling me stuff he's been going through. It made me realize I was almost always into the negative vibe. I felt ashamed and erased all my blogs from day 1. I found it very hard to convince myself to start recording my life in an electronic database again but I feel it's time to give myself one more chance.

I am guessing this will be one journey of ups and downs. I do hope to inspire others in my blogs the way I was inspired by blogs of a friend to start writing again. It is amazing to find someone else with quite the same interest and situations in life; it is almost like a note telling me that "hey, someone else may understand." Aha! And then it all boils down to an effort of making a virtual representation of my day for the whole world to relate or not to relate to.. -JaPo