It's Happening Again

Why am I a fan of love at first encounter?
I think I am going crazy now.
I go fond of some people too easily.
This is one trait I have to escape from.
It makes me expect a lot of things to happen
And then later find myself overly disappointed
That a lot of things never turned out to be how I wished.

Oh no. I am really about to lose my hold.
I told myself I don't need a partner,
But somehow I yearn for that special person.
My problem is, I know too much
how to control my feelings.
This is the reason why I have most of the time
just let the feelings pass me by.

It's a rather heavy emotion I almost always have to bear.
In just 6 months, I think I've experienced those heavy feelings twice already
And I think I am about to do so yet again in the coming days.
My problem is, here comes me telling myself I am ready for the pain of silence
and then I go through everyday distracted and unfocused.

I don't know why but I seem to never learn this lesson,
anything about love that is.
This four-letter word is where I am most dumb at.
Maybe it's because I lock myself up in my world of illusions
and choose to be happy on my own,
rather than really do something about these things
and trying to actually achieve something through physical effort.

I think I am going to try it once more this time...
I remember this line from a movie that goes:
"I think God wants me to be happy."
Yes I do. I think He won't place people near me without any reason.
I think He won't make me overly sensitive for nothing
I think He has laid out a plan for me and all it takes for it to happen
is for me to actually start doing my part.

I hope I won't be defeated by fear, fear of rejection
fear that the world will crumble upon a nudge to my pride.
This time I will gamble, in this game of life called love...